If only forgetting was easy……

It was a stormy night, or so she thought. It certainly was windy, and also looked like it might rain. Time and again, a stray yellowed maple leaf would get entangled in her hair, and she would retrieve it with slow deliberation, and toss it to the raving winds.

It was a regular path, taken regularly, to complete a regular task, but
quite contrarily, this was not going to be a regular night, if, of course,
the word ‘regular’ had any meaning…

***

Jenny wrapped her shawl protectively around herself. It was beginning to get cold, and a drowsy mist suggested that the raindrops too were on their way.
She did not exactly dread getting drenched, but a walk through muddy puddles was hardly what she fancied. A few drops descended on her face as she looked up at the heavily clouded sky. Her heart suddenly skipped a beat, as a similar scene from a few years ago floated in before her eyes.

Hadn’t this been the first place where she met him? , she asked of herself. The wretch who made her suffer, who was also the person she loved with all her soul. How could she ever forgive, and more importantly, forget, him?

For, people who live inside your heart will never leave you, even if they themselves break your heart.

She had been a foolish seventeen year old then, full of romantic stories of the cupid and was easily impressed. Falling in love with a man nearly seven years elder to her, was easy, to say the least, and marriage, then, was a mere celebration of love, something that took place in every movie and mushy novel, and had nothing to do with responsibility. All marriages were happy marriages, since how could two people who loved each not be happy living together? , she had asked herself. She would have prevented a catastrophe had she asked anybody else.

How madly in love she was, and how easily awed by his mannerisms! And how triumphant too for having found the perfect man for herself at the mere age of seventeen! How happy, how delighted, how overjoyed with love!

Her joy, however, had proved too good too last. She could not recognize, in a few months of marriage, the devil she had consented to being wife to. Her joy broke down into sorrow when she came to know that there was a violent streak about him, a tempest of a temper and irrational views when it came to giving her the freedom she so desired.

She divorced him, but it was only after suffering 4 years of hell and
getting inerasable marks, both emotionally and physically. It had been a month since they parted ways, yet it was the torture of those painful memories that would not let her get on with life ‘normally’, and she feared that they never would.

***

Tears mingled with the raindrops on her face as a vivid picture of her life a month ago flashed before her eyes, making her shudder. She had lately started to become an emotional wreck and would often stop in the middle of the way when she found her eyes flooded, and give way to tears. However, today, she wiped her eyes and continued on her way.

However, the road did not seem to be familiar any longer. Wherever had she wandered off to? This certainly was not the way to her home. This path seemed to be almost deserted, except for a few startling movements in the bushes along the road. Fear flooded her. Something told her that she was being followed, but nevertheless, she could not fully believe in her conscience, since it often deceived her with a picture of her former husband, evil and malignant, charging towards her with a diabolic glint in his eyes. She was paralyzed with fear by now, but decided to run as she had never run before, to wherever the way may take her, since it seemed the only
logical thing to do. She ran for a good half an hour, not worrying that the path grew darker along the way, nor either that the rain battered down hard on her. She was determined to follow the path God had led her to, even if it led to her to the devil.

She eventually reached what seemed to be a large pool of light at first, but on further inspection, she saw it for what it was – a huge lamp post, underneath which stood a boy of about eight. She was startled at first to see him in this solitary place, but relaxed when she saw him smile sweetly.

“It is you I have been waiting for all night,” said he, “not that it is
particularly you. I knew it was somebody in distress.” Jenny, who very much detested the concept of ghosts, just as she detested marriage, took the child’s hand in hers, and oh, what bliss it was! What lovely bliss to feel the satisfaction of having someone by your side, to take in the love he radiates, to share with him her feeling of security! How reassuring to know that there is someone to accompany you when the path is dark and fearful!

This really was a strange night, she thought, never before have I lost my way here, and I am certain that there is not a path in the area that I have not travelled before. In silent reverie, in tender hopes, in thoughtful musing – every path has been taken before for a walk to appease violent sensations. And yet, here I am, walking this deserted path at a time which seems to be somewhere between midnight and dawn, with a mysterious companion whom I know nothing about.

But wait, have I not seen his face somewhere before? In a dream? In images inside the mind? In abstract patterns? In…..God??

Was he a savior, somebody divine?

“I’m not”, said the boy, who seemed to have read her mind. Jenny, startled by his sudden speech, drew a long breath to calm her mind. Meanwhile, the boy had started to speak again. “It is not me you have to think about,” said he, “It is you. Your life, has it not been in a mess for the past few years?
Recall. Try to recall- what went wrong? , and whose fault was it? Pain and suffering is what everybody gets, but a few of us get more than the share we deserve. Is it fair? No. But thing, is it worth learning something from?”

Here the boy stopped and looked innocently into her face for a while. Jenny tried to look away from his eyes, but there was something so powerful, so compelling about them, that try as she might, she could not look away. There seemed to be a bit of herself in them, but that could easily have been her reflection. The boy took a step forward, and smiling a bit, said, “No, I’m not going to vanish into thin air, as you think I will. Forget all about me, but remember my words – it is important that you begin a new life. Do not sit down to pity yourself. The darkness is only temporary – it does not stay forever.”

Before Jenny could even react, she had the strangest sensation of falling into oblivion, into darkness. Various images from her life flew into sight and vanished again – Jenny riding her first bicycle, laughing loudly and crying uncontrollably, Jenny on the day of her marriage feeling infinite bliss, and the days afterward-the tears, the emotional breakdowns and the violent arguing, and silently crying into the pillow thereafter.

She would try, but would never be able to find the deserted path again. Some things in life were best forgotten, she decided. For darkness was only the absence of light, it had no meaning if the term ‘light’ did not exist……….

Submitted by – Vanya Nigam
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SHE WAS MINE!

 

You been here, suffered a lot
wipe your tears, be strong
people, here, are icy hearted
don’t deserve you, any long

 

Hold my hand and come with me
I know a place beyond the sky
you believe me, I’ve been there
there is no sorrow and no one cry

 

Incarnation of great almighty
left alone on steps of shrine
God cried and screamed
“How you dare, SHE was mine!”  

 

I hate this world I created
I shunned people whom I birth
with moist eyes, and heavy hearted
God left with her from callous earth

…and almighty smiled

His soul needs another venture,
 diagnosed a sore abscess
someone, oh please, someone
give him a comforting cure.

Died like a helpless puppet,
followed always wrong
believe me, you please, believe me
once he also followed a prophet.

Oh god… yes, he killed your men,
but they abducted his sister
May god forgive his oblivious crime,
I end my prayer with  ‘Amen’

Hemmed in incessant dark,
scared like a forbidden child
mercy him, oh god, mercy him
almighty saw him and smiled.

LAST GOODBYE…

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I knew he would never say, “Papa, I am hungry”, but he had no control on his body. He was getting weaker day by day. That was the worst sight for me. My son was dying of hunger and I could do nothing. I searched my pocket for 1000th time now, but reality didn’t change, I had no money and if I wasted any more time, my son will die, I knew that.

I stood up, and left to seek kindness from world. I begged, searched job, did everything to earn but no one helped me. The only thing which I got was rudeness and abuses. My world was dying and my body was leaving trust of everyone, even my senses. I was like dead man walking on road.

Haven’t I done anything good in my whole life? Why I am being tortured by god? Why me? The person, who should ignite me on my last journey to god, is himself struggling on this path called life. I was cursing god for that.

‘What’s that?’ suddenly I heard a horn of truck and instantly after that I felt blank……

‘No I can’t die now….. NOOOO!!!’ I saw my body on the middle of the road, strained fully in blood and crowd started to grow in the vicinity.

“Destiny is prewritten my son, you can’t change it.” I heard someone behind me. I turned; a strong flash of light made me struggle to open my eyes.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“You know me.” I could see him now. He had that charm in his eyes which will make you forget everything other than praise him. He was the almighty.

“Why?” I had lot of question but I don’t know why I asked only this.

“Come with me.”

I was in a room now, it looked familiar but I can’t recognize where I was. The almighty changed his appearance and moved forward with a plate full of food. I followed him. My son was there lying on the bed, starving. Almighty wake my son up and feed him food through his blessed hands. I was crying in happiness. Then god said something in the ear of my son. He looked towards me as if he could see me. Then god came to me and said, “Wave your last goodbye to your son.”

I waved and then god took me with him away from this world……

SILENT CRY OF A FATHER…

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Mother can show her feeling through tears but how can a father show his feelings? This is the question whose answer is still far away from me.

 

 

 

I am a father of son going to pay his service to the motherland. He was joining army. The war was on and he wanted to sacrifice himself for his country. Yes, of course he took that decision against our will. We had a big business and he was the only son to handle our empire.

 

 

He was in his uniform and was putting his luggage on the van he hired. His mother was crying heavily and I was standing still. Actually I was crying inside. He came to touch his mother’s feet. She took him in her arms. Then he came to touch my feet, I didn’t react. I don’t know why I was so strict? I should have grabbed him tightly but I didn’t.

 

 

He gave me an envelope and told me to read it after his departure. He sat in van and gone. I consoled my wife and came inside.

 

I opened the envelope, inside that was a card, Father’s day card. My throat chocked. He remembered this time also. I was about to burst in tears but I controlled. I opened the card, inside was a message for me.

 

 

“Happy Father’s Day dad. I know that you are against my decision but dad I have learnt all this from you only. Once in my childhood you told me that when the whole world is against you, follow your heart. I am just following my heart dad; I am just following what you have told me.”

 

I cried but silently. I didn’t want to show my tears to my wife. I am proud of you my son. If only I have said that to you. I always felt proud of my son but I didn’t show that to him. I don’t know why I did all that, may be this was the silent cry of a father on the eve of father’s day……….

The day the God spoiled Humans

The day the God spoiled Humans

‘Fash. .Fash. .Fash. .Fash’. . . Mudra was chasing him wildly amidst the wild. His eyes were only looking for a clear hit but the wild shrubs desecrated his every chance. Finally, out of the dark, he shoved his mighty spear against the bush.

‘Thug. .ghhdd’ and he was down. After a long & nasty chase Mudra finally managed to hunt him down. With pride and attitude he walked past the dense grass. The victory was short lived as he discovered another spear right through his head. Moments later Jaka from another tribe emerged out from a nearby tree & stood near the dead boar. He gazed at the dead soul for a few moments & broke the silence,

“It’s mine!” Jaka spoke in a commanding voice.

“I was chasing him right from the lake & it’s my…. . .”

“Come on Mudra! You know the drill. One who misses the hit gets nothing but shit”, Jaka laughed as he completed his dialogue.
Mudra clenched his fists in anger.
“Your blow would have just injured him. Mine smashed right through his busty brain” added Jaka.

“I chased him all the way down here” Mudra argued.

“Maybe it’s the god’s will Mudra. God has a reason for everything you know. Just believe in god”, Jaka smiled.

“I believe in god!” Mudra countered him in a rather harsh voice.

“Then you wouldn’t go against him, would you?”

Mudra pulled out his spear from the boar’s body,
“Enjoy the god’s gift Jaka. I am sure it’s gonna last atleast two days” Mudra spoke looking straight at the dead boar.

“I will send you the leftovers Mudra. HA HA HA HA…. . .”

Mudra turned around & started walking. The futile comment from Jaka boiled his blood. After walking a while he decide to camp near a dense grass-hub. Jaka’s words were revolving around his mind.
‘God, will, reason, everything…’ was all he could imagine. After waiting for a while he finally heard something moving around. Usurped by desperation Mudra threw his spear through the grass & jumped around to confirm the kill.

“Aaahh!”
Mudra was shocked at the sight of it. His spear had pierced right through Jaka’s heart who probably was still hunting despite of that boar win. He had that boar & a fox tied in a rope which circled right through his waist. Mudra walked near him to check if there was still any chance but he was dead on the spot. Mudra looked at his face & before guilt and shame could step out of the box, Jaka’s words circled around him once again.

“Maybe it’s the god’s will” Mudra whispered in a feeble voice.

“Maybe it’s the god’s way of punishing him for he tried to usurp what was mine”.

“Yes! God has a reason for everything. . . EVERYTHING!”

He looked at the sky with dry and requital eyes,
I believe in God

THE GOD IS WATCHING YOU…

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“If you will help others, god will help you and always believe in god.” My father said. He was a rich jamidar (Who owns land and gives that land to poor farmers for farming and enjoys heavy profit) of our village.

“But how will he help me daddy?” I was just 6 years old when I asked him this question.

He replied my question with a smile. I never understood what that smile meant.

*****

“What did the doctor said?” I asked my wife.

“Our child is dead. Again.” She said. This was the second time, the second miscarriage. She kept her head on my chest and cried. I didn’t cry. Just looked up to see my father in heaven and then I smiled with tears in my eyes.

I am Gopi and I am a servant. My father had huge lands in village but we lost everything in a fraud. Our relative took all we had. My father died because of that and we were ripped of everything.

*****

“Gopi, clean that carpet also. Anita has grotted that too.” Owner of the house in which I worked, Suman, said. She was the cashier in a local bank. Anita was her little daughter. Suman was a widow. Her husband died in a car accident.

“I am going to the hospital to meet doctor.” She took Anita with her and left.

I started cleaning the carpet. While cleaning it I sensed something beneath that carpet. I lifted that and saw a piece of marvel which had a handle to lift. I lifted that and saw an iron box beneath that marvel.

A strange fear grabbed me. I started to sweat heavily. A strange vibe can be sensed all around me.

Slowly I opened that box; my eyes didn’t believe what I saw. Inside that box were jewelleries of gold, diamond and precious stones. My eyes sparkled and my mind started to think dirty.

Was this the way of god to help me? Is this the reward for my kindness and efforts? Is this what my father always told me? A river of questions started to flow inside my head.

Should I or should I not? My hand started to question my mind. I swapped my head, cleared the sweat and decided to take the box with me.

*****

“Are you mad Gopi? They will put you in jail.” My wife cried on me when I showed her the box.

“They didn’t know about this money, else they would never allow me to even touch that carpet.” I grabbed her in my arms and shook her.

“Then whose jewellery is this?”

“This must be of that old couple who lived there before Suman Mam. They were very rich. This box must be of them.”

“No Gopi. This…. This is not good. I don’t want this money which doesn’t belong to us. You…. Please you go and return this to them. This belongs to them. That home belongs to them, so all the things lying there also belong to them.”

“No. I will not refuse what the god is giving us. He has already done so much injustice with us and now when he is giving something to us so u………”

She took my head in both of her soft palms and while sobbing she said:

“For my sake, please…….please return this.”

I kept on looking in her eyes. I had nothing to say.

*****

Suman Mam started to cry. She was thanking his god and was crying. She thanked me hundreds of times.

“Gopi I can’t tell you how much happiness you have given to me.” She said and I listened her with an expressionless face. I can’t even bear a fake smile on my face at that time.

“You saved my child, Gopi.” She confused me this time. “My child Anita has a hole in her heart. Doctors were asking 1.5 crore for the operation.”

I left their house and felt so much relieved. I saved her life. The tears of happiness flowed through my eyes.

*****

“Ram, my son will be known as Ram, on the name of his grandfather.” My wife said.

“If you will help others, god will help you and always believe in god.” My father said.

“But how will he help me daddy?”

My father just smiled whenever I asked this question. I never understood what he meant. But today I know.

I looked up in the heaven and smiled.